They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards - Its an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year’s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees are:
1.) A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
2.) Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
Sometimes BS and Brilliance are the same thing.....A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful pet poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The poodle thinks, "Uh-oh, I’m in deep trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."
Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It’s fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately ". Well, I didn’t have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing". So I didn’t dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them. I think it was the salad.
Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe, which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice". So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kind of silly in the middle of the day. I can’t say it improved the rice anyhow.
Thursday: Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, and then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work; I’ll try and be supportive.
Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it". Beat it I did, to my mum’s place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again; it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday: Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I’m sure I don’t know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and its little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "Why me? Why me?"
It has to be his job.
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