Because a perfect sense of humour lasts longer than life...
Here lies my wife
Here let her lie
Now she has peace
And so do I
***
She caught a chill
while picking peas
in the rain and died.
***
I told you I was sick!
***
They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards - Its an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year’s winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees are:
1.) A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
2.) Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
If a robber tried to rob a dance club and yelled, "Everybody get down", would all the people start dancing?
Why do people say, "You can’t have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can’t eat it?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn’t be more fun to eat a big one?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
Why do people call it an ATM machine, don’t they know they’re really saying Automated Teller Machine Machine?
If the weather man says "it’s a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come, in the Mini Wheat’s commercials, Sweets has a Brooklyn accent and Wheat’s has an English accent? They’re attached at the back, wouldn’t they have been raised in the same place?
Don’t you find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?
If your named Will and you are in the army do you get nervous when people say fire at will?
When you put ’THE’ and ’IRS’ together, it forms ’THEIRS’. Coincidence? I think not!
What do you say when someone says you’re in denial, but you’re not?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?
Is extraordinary just more ordinary than usual?
Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?
If Dracula has no reflection, why did he always have such a straight part in his hair?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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